


Takodana Inn

by The_Lonely_Purple_Penguin (iliveinthemoon)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Episode VIII The Last Jedi (2017), star wars: episode VII the force awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Law Enforcement, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Crime Thriller, Deception, Denial of Feelings, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, Everything is dubious, F/M, Murder, On the Run, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Touch-Starved, Trust Issues, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-04-27 00:43:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14413986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iliveinthemoon/pseuds/The_Lonely_Purple_Penguin
Summary: Ben Solo is running from his past by running back to his past.But can he forget everything from his past in order to build his future?And what about second chances?  Does he deserve one?And what about Rey?  Can he forget about her?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the short 'The McCullagh Inn in Maine' by James Patterson and Jen McLaughlin

\---

Ben’s breath comes out in short pants as his hands tremble on the steering wheel of _his_ SUV, reversing hard off the drive and not caring if there is traffic on the street. He just needs to get away, and fast.

He puts his foot down and speeds down the road, not giving a backward glance at the life he had just left, the life he had just ended. Instead he focuses on what lies ahead. And in the immediate future that is getting as far away from Coruscant as fast as possible, and preferably with no followers.

He takes a calming breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. His fingers that are digging into the wheel relax a little. He needs to be strong, he cannot panic. This is his life and he is going to live it.

The future is surely going to better than what he is leaving behind. It has to be, right? Nothing can be worse than how he was living, worse than what he’d already survived. He was a born fighter (with parents like his how could he not be?), and this is the fight of his life.

Ben holds his breath and stares straight ahead in a single minded focus as he runs a red light. He feels free, like his old self, the one he’d tried for years to erase. He feels more alive than he has done in years.

He ignores the blaring of a horn as he goes straight through the intersection, narrowly missing a truck coming from his right, putting his foot down and speeding toward what is hopefully freedom. His freedom.

His life shouldn’t have ended up like this. This is not what he’d wanted. But no matter what he wanted he knew that there was a possibility that things would go south at any given moment. That’s why he always kept a bag packed, and an out plan at the back of his mind - one of the few lessons his father had taught him. How to leave.

He’d left his old life in order to build a new one. He’d wanted to be a new person, to disappear from who he once was. But now it looks like he’ll have to create another new version of himself. Not the one from his youth (Ben Solo) or the one from his most recent past (Kylo Ren). But a whole new Ben.

He heads for the interstate, not caring about the smell of burning rubber, not when each passing minute makes him freer than he had been in years. Safety lies beyond the interstate, in the shape of a white 6-bedroom inn with a forest one side and a lake on the other.

Takodana Inn.

Gifted to him six months earlier on the death of Maz Kanata - the eccentric and elderly lady who ran the inn. A place Ben found as a sanctuary during a childhood of absent parents and angry outbursts, and fear of rejection.

The irony isn’t lost on Ben that he is running back to the place he raced from ten years earlier when he was just eighteen. But it was somewhere that he’d called home for the largest part of his life. It was also a place he had erased from his records. No-one knew where he was from, no-one but Snoke and he’s, well he’s out of the picture.

He never thought he’d end up going back there, but needs must. And he has one hell of a mighty need. He just hopes the people he now needs -the people he left behind are still around, but more importantly will want to help him.

Sirens wail in the distance and Ben eases off the gas. He can’t risk being pulled over for speeding, not when he can almost smell and taste the scent of the forest, of the spring rains, the crisp autumn, the lake, the wood of the inn. Of freedom.

Once he’s far enough from Coruscant he will find a place to spend the night. One of those pay by the hour motels on the side of the interstate, the best place for a weary traveller. A place where they ask no questions and you give no answers. Or at least he hopes so.

He’ll rest up, get a couple of hours of sleep, take a shower, change his clothes and change who he is. Create a whole new life to account for the past ten years.

His phone flashes, filling the car with a cold blue light, Ben looks over at it lying on the passenger seat, ‘Fuck.’ He curses lowly, eyes returning to the road. He fumbles for the phone, grabbing it and tossing it out of the window. Seeing in the rearview as it is crushed beneath the wheels of the truck behind. A feeling of relief washed over him, another piece of his life gotten rid of.

If only he could get rid of the gun just as easily.

If only he hadn’t committed murder.

\---


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben arrives at his destination and reaches out.
> 
> Chapter 1 recap:
> 
> Ben Solo is on the run after committing murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the response to this fic.
> 
> For the purposes of this fic Ben was 18 and Rey 17 when he left Takodana.

\---

It had taken a couple of days to get to Hosnian, a lot of back-roads and sleepy towns. Lots of hiding, resting during the day and moving at night. But now he’s there on the outskirts of the cosmopolitan city, the SVU abandoned in a parking lot, wiped clean as he heads into the the bus terminal.

He looks like any other traveller as he climbs onto the bus, opting for a seat at the very back, needing to keep a cautious eye out - life had made him that way. As the bus pulls out of the terminal, a weight begins to lift off his shoulders, and the tension eases with every mile passed.

Once he reaches the Ileenium border Ben hitches to a used car dealer, buys a rusted and beat up old truck sitting at the back out of the lot, using money he’d stole from the wall vault in the home he’d shared with _them_.

His destination is Takodana. A place you’d be hard pressed to find on any map, a town you’ve never heard of. A town to disappear in.

The autumn leaves and pinecones crunched beneath his tires as he drives down roads he’s not seen in years. Road’s he never imagined driving down again. Road’s he knows by memory alone. He could close his eyes and still know every turn and every bump.

Ben breathes a sigh of relief as he heads down the gravel lane with lamps either side, his heart beating a little faster. When he’d received notification that Maz had left the inn to him in her will, he didn’t say a word of it to anyone in Coruscant. For some reason he felt like it should stay secret, that no one should know about it. All part of that exit strategy he had imprinted in his mind.

Even though he was living in Coruscant he still had the inn look lived in, just in case. You never know when the need for escape would happen, and it had happened sooner than he thought.

But now as he climbs out the truck, the door creaking with age and he looks up at the inn he feels a strange sense of calm. His father - a war hero and pilot turned crook and criminal - Han Solo had taught him to prepare for any outcome. How to fade off the face of the planet but still live. How to pretend you are someone else. And he’d done that. He’s lived that way for more than ten years, but now he’s back.

And it feels like home, it feels like he was destined to return.

He cautiously steps inside, gun hidden in the waistband of his jeans for an easy grab as he looks around. Not much has changed in the time he’s been gone. But everything has changed with him. He’d become something he’d never imagined, even if he knew it was a possibility given the darkness living within him.

He runs his fingertips over the surfaces of the desk, the information stand crammed with leaflets of things to do and see in Ileenium - not that there’s much. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Memories flood his mind of a time where he felt a certain peace. The barking laugh of Maz, the chatter from the dining room, the smell of freshly baked cookies. It reminds him of home.

He flips on the TV, tuning it into a national news channel, turning the volume low. He stands there chewing anxiously on his bottom lip as he listens to the headlines. No news of the murder of the DA in Coruscant, yet. He lets out a relieved breath. So far, so good. But it’ll catch up with him eventually. But he’ll embrace the little freedom he’s got for now.

Ben walks around the living area, catching sight of himself in the large ornate mirror hanging above the fireplace. Staring at the black eye, a shudder runs down his spine at the memory of how he acquired it. It’s not the only parting gift from Coruscant.

There are angry dark bruises hiding beneath his t-shirt. Cuts, grazes and burns blotting his skin. The bruises will fade, the cuts, grazes and burns will heal, even the scars will fade over time. But not the mental scars. They’ll be with him forever.

He pulls the burner phone out of his jacket pocket, his hands shaking slightly. He takes a calming breath, scrolling down his short list of contacts - none of them have names. Just initials. He selects the one he needs, which is also the one he dreads.

The phone rings and for a moment panic rises in his belly, what if it’s the wrong number? What would he do if it is? He’ll be forced to go into the town, and he’s not quite sure he can face the locals, not with their dirty looks and gossiping whispers.

Luckily the call connects.

‘Hello?’ That familiar voice crackles through the cheap phone.

Ben let out a small gasp, eyes drifting shut at the sound, the one word that brings back all those memories of family. His throat aches, but is it from fear? Or is from the abuse his vocal cords have recently taken. He’s not sure.

‘Han?’ Ben rasps, eyes opening and seeing a man looking back at him in the mirror. A man who looks like his Father.

‘Yeah?’ Comes the reply followed by a long silence. ‘Ben? Is that you?’

Ben feels his heart clench in his chest as he nods, ‘Yes.’

‘So you’re alive then,’ Han mumbles, sounding a little tired and weary, but also surprised. He probably expected to be the last person his son would call.

‘Yes.’ It’s the only word Ben can manage, as he looks out the window, seeing the lake only feet away.

Silence hangs heavily between them, neither sure what to say to the other. So many years have passed. So much resentment, heartbreak and anguish.

‘Dad. I need your help.’ He eventually breaks the silence and hears a sigh in reply.

‘What do you need?’ Han answers straight away.

Ben let out a relieved breath, his eyes fixed on the bottle of whiskey sitting on the bar.

‘A new ID. A whole new identity.’

‘What have you done?’ Han fires and Ben can hear the worry and fear in his Father’s voice.

Ben doesn’t answer. He can’t tell him, not like this. Not over the phone.

Instead he’s back in that moment. A gunshot ringing in his ears. The thudding of his heart in his chest, the nausea swirling hot in his throat. Blinking slowly, him lying on the floor, blood oozing from the wound in his chest.

He takes a shuddering breath forcing his eyes to focus. They settle on the small table by the front door, where he’s stashed the gun. He’d considered ditching it. All the way to the inn he could have thrown it, but it is the only protection he has - other than his own body - and he’s not foolish enough to throw it away.

‘Where are you?’ Han asked after another long silence, gently probing.

Ben thinks of everything he’s trying to run from, everything he’s trying to hide before he answers. Is it too much of a risk to say where? Too much trust too soon? It’s not like his Father hasn’t hurt him before.

He steps closer to the large window, eyes focusing on a puffy grey cloud hanging in the sky above the lake. He’d spent so much time sitting in that window, looking down at the small garden and beyond to the trail that lead down to the small pebbled beach. So much time dreaming of a different life. Of a better life. A future that didn’t include this town.

‘That doesn’t matter right now.’

‘Have it your way.’ Han snarks, and there it is, that familiar clash, the expected butt of heads that always comes between Father and son.

‘Don’t I always.’ Ben bites right back, his own pettiness shining through.

Han sighs loudly and again they lapse into silence.

‘Okay. I’ll get you what you’re asking for. Meet me at Jabba’s in an hour. You remember where it is?’ Han finishes dryly and Ben could swear he heard the hint of humour creeping into his voice.

‘I remember.’

With that the line goes dead and Ben is once again left alone.

\---

‘Happy now?’ Han snipes, turning his head to look up at his brother-in-law, clear disdain on his face.

Luke nods, pleased with what they’ve got so far.

‘You know I don’t like lying to him Luke. He deserves to know the truth.’ Han points out and Luke quirks an eyebrow, ‘Han, you’ve been lying to him his entire life. Why stop now. As for the truth, that’s on a need to know basis, and he doesn’t need to know.’

Han scoffs loudly as he gets to his feet, the chair scraping across the wooden floor. His eyes are burning with anger, and it’s all aimed at Luke.

‘We need to do this Han. You know that.’ Leia steps forward, eyes fixed on her estranged husband.

‘I don’t like deceiving him Leia. He’s our son.’

‘Well it’s a shame you didn’t remember that when he was a kid-’ Leia bites back, just as fast, just as vicious.

‘I wasn’t the only one lying to him-’

‘Guys, guys please. Arguing is not going to get us anywhere. It’s not going to help Ben. And that’s what we’re all here for, right?’ Rey interjects, stepping forward between the quarrying parents.

‘For Ben.’ Leia nods and Han sighs.

‘For our son.’ He states, looking straight into the eyes of his wife.

‘We need to get moving.’ Luke tells them all.

\---

An hour later Ben is walking down Main Street, a baseball cap pulled down low over his head. He glimpses up at the familiar frontages, the place really hasn't changed, it’s as if it's still stuck in time. Ten years hasn’t changed a damn thing.

He looks down at the cracks in the pavement, keeping his head down in order to blend in, feeling proud that he thinks he can still do that…. until he collides with someone.

Ben’s eyes fire up, wide with panic. And they only grow wider when he sees who's staring back at him, sprawled across the sidewalk.

‘Ben?’

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the change to the end of chapter 2. Where it said 'Rey?' It now says 'Ben?' for the purposes of the story. Thank you :)
> 
> Also thank you to all the comments and kudos' given this fic.

\---

‘Ben?’

Ben freezes, eyes wide and lips parting, and heart stopping at the sight of the woman now standing in front of him. As beautiful and perfect as he remembers. None of his dreams about her could ever do her justice.

Rey Niima. Or Rey Storm. Or just Rey. _His_ Rey.

She has been the object of Ben’s infatuation for as long as he can remember. She’s been his crush, she’d been his best friend. She’d been his first everything. Everyone thought that they were a couple, that they were in love, that they’d get married and have a bunch of babies. And for a long time he thought that too. That was until she broke his heart and went off with that nice guy Finn Storm, a guy who was happy to help everyone and was liked by all. Ben found it hard to hate Finn, even if he had everything he wanted.

And to make it worse, she’d gone and got engaged to Finn a few months later when she was just 17, and planned a late summer wedding. All of it broke his heart, yet no-one knew. That heartbreak lead to a dangerous downward spiral he’s still stuck in. But he’d never blame Rey for it. It was all of his own doing. She was innocent in his self destruction. She couldn’t help that she fell in love with Finn and not him.

Ben skipped town the morning of the wedding, he couldn’t deal with watching her marry Finn. Watching Finn get the life he had wanted for himself was just too much.

He hasn’t spoke to her since the night before her wedding, but now there she is. Standing right in front of him. His heart is pounding in his chest as he gulps heavily, words rushing around his head. So many unspoken words, so many unsaid feelings.

Rey’s gaze meets Ben’s and he quickly turns his head away. This can’t be happening. Not now. Not here. Not after what he’s done. No, no, no.

‘Sorry.’ Ben mumbles, sidestepping her, but she moves too, blocking his path.

He nervously fiddles with the baseball cap, pulling at it in the hope it could go lower, but over his full mane of hair it’s difficult, his heart is feeling like it’s about to burst right out of his chest.

‘Ben? Is that you? Are you okay?’ She questions, looking up at him with such honest concern. Those big beautiful hazel eyes staring up at him.

‘I’m fine.’ He replies, and she’s still watching him, moving her head in order to study his face, trying to figure him out as he shifts awkwardly, head hung low, desperately avoiding her eyes.

‘Excuse me.’ He mutters, stepping off the curb and into the street to avoid touching her. He can’t feel that spark, not now. Not when everything is so deep and troubled.

But in truth it had never gone out, it just burned in the background, ever present. And all it took was an innocent brush of skin to bring it all raging back for him, threatening to bring about his ruin, and hers too if he doesn’t stop this.

‘Ben. It’s me. Rey. Look at me, please.’ She asks, and her voice is just the sexiest sound in the world, and his brain is betraying his body, doing all sorts of funny things inside.

He looks straight ahead, refusing to turn around or look back as he steps away.

‘Ben. Ben Solo. Look at me.’ She says loudly, too loudly for him, even in this place.

He spins on his heels, turning to face her, lifting his head just enough for her to see his eyes. Possibly see his fear, and his panic. His hands form into loose fists at his side as he tries to act cool, despite the fact that he’s a guy on the run. Or the fact that he’s standing in front of the love of his life.

‘I don’t know who you’re on about.’

Rey scoffs, shaking her head as she crosses her arms over her chest.

‘No matter what Han Solo taught you, you have always been a crap liar, Ben. Stop pretending.’ She calls after him as he starts to walk away.

He quickly weighs up his options.

One - keep walking and risk Rey coming after him. They’d end up arguing, loudly no doubt, and that would draw attention. Unwanted attention.

Two - He turns back round and faces her. But that’s not without its own risks. And the risk is her. Getting pulled back into her and her life. Back to a time when he was good. A time he can never go back to. He’s not that boy anymore. He’s not 18 years old.

But before he decides he hears Han’s old truck down the block. The truck he affectionately calls the Millennium Falcon - turning the corner onto Main.

‘Whoever you thought I was, trust me he’s long gone.’

He marches away, determined not to stop and turn around even at the sound of her hitched breath. He wants nothing more than to turn and run straight into her arms. To confess every single thing that he’d done these past ten plus years.

But his self-preservation instincts kick in and he crosses the street, not even looking both ways. The Falcon pulls up to the curb outside Jabba’s and Han is halfway out the truck when Ben yanks the passenger door open and slides inside.

‘I thought we were-’ Han starts, confusion in his eyes as he looks at the profile of the son he’d not seen in what feels like forever.

‘Change of plans. Just drive.’ Ben snaps, eyes focused straight ahead.

Han frowns as he climbs back into the truck, looking out the windscreen and seeing the young woman standing on the other side of the street, looking straight at them.

‘Is that--?’

‘Yeah. And she recognised me.’ Ben barks with a noisy breath.

‘Shit. She won’t let it go.’ Han says, jerking the truck into drive and peeling away from the curb.

‘I know.’ Ben grumbles, eyes scanning over their surroundings through the passenger window, seeing the town blur by as he takes a sharp breath.

Damn it, why her. Why did it have to be her? If he’s not careful Rey could ruin everything.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens as Ben reaches out to Han before he gets an unexpected visitor.
> 
> Chapter 3 recap:
> 
> Ben arranged to met his Father but ended up bumping into Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos' given this story.
> 
> I apologise if it's all a bit jumbled. It probably all sounds way better in my head than in word.

\---

‘So, are you going to tell me what's happened? Why you're back after all this time?’ Han asks as he pulls the Falcon to a stop outside the inn.

‘No.’ Comes Ben’s reply.

‘Where'd you get the bruises from?’ Han tries again.

‘It doesn't matter.’

‘Of course it matters-’

‘No. It doesn’t.’ Ben hisses, his eyes focused on the inn in front.

Han follows his gaze and sighs, ‘Maz always thought you'd come back. She hung on for so long in the hope of seeing you again.’

‘Sorry to disappoint.’ Ben says, sounding petulant, hands curling into fists in his lap.

‘Ben!’ Han yelps.

‘Ben what?’ He turns his head and glares at his Father, ‘I came to you for help. Not a guilt trip.’ He seethes.

Han inhales before letting out a sigh. ‘What have you got yourself into?’

‘You don’t need to know the details.’ Ben replies.

‘The hell I don’t Ben. This is serious. You don’t just turn up after over ten years asking for my help and not tell me why. I deserve to know the truth.’ Han demands and Ben’s nostrils flare in anger, at the audacity of his Father after everything he did.

‘The less you know the better.’

‘Fine. Whatever. I’ll help you. But only because you’re my son. And I love you.’

‘I don’t need your sentimental bullshit Han.’ Ben spits, turning his head just enough to glare at his Father.

‘And if I help you. What then? You run again? Break your Mother’s heart even more?’ Han argues, letting his own emotions push him.

‘No. I’ll stay. But I don’t just need a new ID. I need Kylo Ren to be legally declared dead.’

‘Who the hell is Kylo Ren?’ Han mutters, brows knitted in pretend confusion.

‘Me. I’m Kylo Ren. It’s the name I gave myself the day I left. And now he needs to die.’ Ben explains simply.

‘Okay, I can do that. I know a few people. It won’t be easy, but I’ll do it.’ Han answers and Ben nods, a small sense of relief on his shoulders.

The two men sit in a heavy awkward silence. So much to be said, but not enough words to convey their feelings or emotions.

‘Tell me though. Did you find what you were looking for? Wherever it is you ended up?’ Han eventually breaks the silence.

‘No. Is that what you want to hear? I thought I could be someone else. Someone of my own. Not tied to you, or Mom, or Uncle Luke. To legacies I’d never be able to live up to. But I was wrong. All I did was make things worse. So-- so I’ve come back. To the inn. To start over. Again.’ Ben says, and it makes guilt pool in Han’s gut.

‘How deep in trouble are you? Are you going to end up in jail or something?’

‘Something alright.’

Han takes a sharp breath, he knows exactly what the something means. Dead.

‘So who are you going to be when Kylo Ren is dead?’ Han probes.

‘Ben Solo.’ Ben replies softly, eyes flicking over toward his Father’s face.

‘I guess it’s about time I stop running from who I am.’ Ben adds and Han nods slowly.

‘And I’ll help you. Whatever you need, I’ll help you.’ Han states firmly.

‘Thank you.’

‘So, how do you want Kylo Ren to die?’

\---

They’d agreed on a cause of death for Kylo Ren, and that Han would help fabricate the past ten years of Ben’s life in the event anyone went looking. He’d tried to get real life details to build the picture of Ben Solo, but Ben had become quite the expert evasionist over the past ten years And when the topic of conversation turned to Rey, Ben bristled and made for a quick exit. His Father’s words of ‘you won't shake her off, not now she knows you’re back’ ringing in his ears as he jumped out the truck and hurried inside.

Rey was already proving to be quite the problem.

\---

Ben is sat on the couch in darkness, the only light coming from the flickering of the TV and the glow of the fire that he’d got going. There’s a glass of whiskey in his hand as he watches the news. Still nothing about a shooting in Coruscant. And that troubles him.

He sighs, his body and mind are weary. He wants to sleep, even just a couple of hours, but it evades him. There are too many uncertainties, too many things keeping him awake at night.

He rubs his face as he sets his glass down on the side table, next to a notebook detailing the minor renovations he plans to carry out at the inn. Maz had done a great job in maintaining it, so all it really needs is an update. A lick of paint, updates to the plumbing and electrics. Things he’d be able to do himself.

Just as he sits back, there’s a knock on the front door and Ben freezes.

Only Han knows he’s there, at the inn. But he’s in D’Qar starting to rebuild Ben Solo’s life.

He slowly gets to his sock covered feet, tiptoeing across the dated and scratched floorboards, heading for the small table containing his Glock. His last step is met with a squeak and he freezes, half expecting a barrage of gunfire, but there’s nothing. Nothing but silence.

Ben carries on, heart pounding in his chest as he slides the gun from the drawer, hand gripping the cold metal as he gulps heavily. Is this it? Have they found him already? Is his time up? Is this his O.K. Corral?

He creeps forward toward the door, his mouth running dry. He pulls back the curtain just enough to peek outside and his jaw clenches in an instant.

Standing on the porch beneath the soft glowing light, rocking back and forth on her heels is Rey. A bag of take-out and beers in her hands and a small smile on her lips as she looks up at the inn.

But there’s no way he’s going to let her in. No chance.

She knocks again.

‘I know you’re in there Ben. Open up.’ She calls and Ben’s free hand curls into a fist.

He knows that she won’t let up. Not when there’s even the slightest shred of hope. That was always Rey. A beaming, bright positive ray of light. Always seeing the good in people, even when they couldn’t.

‘I’ve got your favourite Chinese take-out. Deep fried chicken chunks. Egg fried rice. Egg rolls. Chicken curry. Wings. Sticky ribs. I’ve even got some beers. Come on Ben, open the door.’ She doesn’t relent and Ben lets out a silent breath, hand pressed against the wood as his eyes drift shut for a moment.

He knows that Rey won’t give up, not without a fight. That’s just not her style. Rey will always go down fighting.

‘Come on Ben, I know you’re in there. Open the door.’ She repeats and Ben shakes his head slowly, despite the fact that she can’t see him.

‘Go away.’ He finally answers.

‘Not going to happen.’

The fact that she’s only on the other side of the door makes his blood run hot. He’s not felt this alive in years.

‘Let me in.’ Rey rattles the knob, making him jump slightly.

‘No.’

‘Don’t make me break in Ben. You know I will.’ Rey chirps, gods she can be annoying.

‘Just go away. Leave me alone.’

‘That’s not going to happen. Now let me in. I only want to talk.’

‘We’re talking now.’

‘Through a door. I don’t want to talk through a door. Open up.’

Ben bites his lips together, inhaling sharply through his nose, reaching for the lock. He knows that Rey won’t leave. Not until she sees him.

He pulls the door open with a slight whoosh and his heart skips a beat at the sight of her before him. Standing there in a grey oversized knit jumper, black leggings and beat up boots, with her hair tied back from her beautiful face. She’s a complete and utter vision.

Rey smiles happily. ‘There you are.’

‘Now you’ve seen me. Now you can go.’

‘I said I want to talk.’ She fires back as he grips the handle, his other hand with the gun hidden behind his back.

‘Well I don’t want to. So I suggest you go home to your husband.’ Ben grits, hating the jealousy that surges through his body at the mention or thought of Finn.

Rey barges right inside, causing Ben to back away. He really can do without physical contact stirring up those emotions. Not after before.

‘No.’ She answers, closing the door behind her and looking up at him.

‘I’m sure Finn won’t be happy about you hanging out over here with me of all people.’ Ben scoffs, a mix of bitter and petulant as Rey steps closer, eyes appraising him.

‘What happened to you?’ She questions, looking at his face intently.

‘Nothing. An accident.’ He mutters, turning his head away.

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘That’s too bad.’

Rey walks over to the coffee table, placing the bag of food and beers onto it while Ben quickly hides the gun again. She turns back round and marches straight up him again, a look of determination on her face.

‘I want the truth Ben. Where have you been? Why are you back?’

‘Just leave. Go back to Finn.’ Ben hisses, crossing his arms over his chest, as Rey stops far too close.

‘You _honestly_ think I could marry Finn after what we did?’

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> Sorry if this chapter sucks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger and confessions boil over as Ben and Rey confront the past.

\---

‘You _honestly_ think I could marry Finn after what we did?’

Rey stares up at him, he’s holding his breath, she’s holding her breath. Has she spoken too soon, revealed the truth too quickly. No, no. He needs to know. He deserves to know.

His brown eyes are wide and full of such fleeting emotions, confusion, anger, hurt, betrayal. His jaw is tight as he digs his fingers into his own skin.

She’s missed him. So much, so very much. Every single night after he left he was the last thought she had before falling into a fitful sleep. He was constantly on her mind. And that attraction, it’s as strong as ever.

Standing there in front of him, she feels like she’s 17 again. That innocent little girl on the eve of her wedding. The girl who got drunk with her best friend. The girl who made out with her best friend. The girl who lost her virginity to her best friend. The girl who realised everything far too late.

It had been both the best, and the worst thing she has ever done.

‘You-- you didn’t marry him?’ Ben murmurs softly, swallowing hard as he stares down at her.

She takes a step closer, no distance remains between them. Rey reaches up and gently places her hands on his folded arms, looking up at him. Her eyes searching his face.

‘How could I, after we slept together. The night before my wedding.’ She says, a hint of anger in her tone.

Ben shakes his head, ripping his eyes from her gaze. ‘You love Finn. Not me.’

‘No. I love you. I always have.’ She implores as he steps back, moving away from her as if her words physically hurt him.

‘No. No you haven’t. Because if you had--’ He stops himself short, eyes brimming with tears.

‘If I had what? What Ben?’

‘If you had loved me then, then none of this would have happened.’ He spits bitterly.

‘I’m sorry. I realised too late. But it’s not too late for us to start again.’ She croaks, her own eyes burning with tears.

‘I am starting over. Without you.’ Ben hisses, looking her dead in the eyes.

‘You don’t mean that. I know you don’t mean that. I can see it in your eyes.’

‘Well it’s a shame you never looked into them all those years ago. Because if you had, then I wouldn’t have become who I did.’ He snaps, letting his emotions start to get the better of him.

‘And who have you become?’ She challenges, pressing him for the truth. But her years of training tells her that she shouldn’t expect it so soon, nor so easily.

‘A man you don’t want to get involved with.’ He growls, moving further away from her.

‘Don’t tell me what I want. I know what I want. And I want you.’

‘Stop! Stop saying that.’

‘No. I will keep saying it until you listen.’ She counters, stepping towards him again.

‘I don’t want to listen. Not to you. Not to anyone. I just want to be left alone.’

‘That’s not going to happen. I’m not leaving.’ Rey says forcefully, adamantly.

‘And if I force you?’ He asks darkly, but she knows he’d never hurt her.

‘You wouldn’t dare.’

‘Wouldn’t I? You don’t know anything about me. Not anymore. You don’t know what I’m capable of. What I’ve done.’ He snarls, his voice taking on a darker tone.

‘Then tell me. Tell me what you’ve done.’

They’re standing there, so close they can touch, chests heaving. Eyes burning with passionate anger as they glare at one another.

‘Leave. Now.’ He snarls, standing his ground.

‘You’re going to have to make me.’ She challenges, standing her own ground.

In a flash Ben is on her, gripping her shoulders and shoving her back. Rey lets out a shrill yelp, her hands coming up and pushing against his chest. ‘Get off.’ She snarls, but Ben’s strong, too strong for her as he pins her to the wall next to the door.

They’re both angry, chests heaving and jaws clenched. Eyes burning into one another's. Yet suddenly their mouths come together. It’s a hot and angry kiss. All clashing lips and clacking teeth. Rey’s fingers curl into his top, pulling him against her.

She nips his bottom lip, drawing blood and a growl from him as he tears his lips away from hers. Looking down at her with black eyes that still her heart.

‘Goodbye Rey.’ He murmurs, shoving her out the door and slamming it just as quickly as Rey stumbles on the porch glaring at the door.

‘This isn’t over Ben. Mark my words. It's not over.’ She calls through the door as the porch light goes out.  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this story, or leave a kudos, or a comment :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to get information, but gets distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a rough and ready posting.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments :)
> 
> Warning - some slight dubious consent towards the end of the chapter

\---

‘Morning!’ Rey beams as she brushes past Ben into the inn.

‘What are you doing here? Didn’t I make it clear enough last night that I don’t want you here.’ He huffs, running his hand through his mess of hair. He’s just woke up.

‘I know what you said. But I also know what you mean.’ She chirps, spinning on her heels and waving a brown paper bag in the air.

‘I brought breakfast.’ She smiles, knowing the way to his heart is through his stomach, and it smells so good. Bacon, eggs and toasted bagel, and freshly brewed coffee coming from one of the cups in the tray in her other hand.

‘I meant what I said.’ He replies, pushing the door closed and simply glaring at her.

‘No you said you don’t want to see me. But what you meant was you do.’

Fuck she can be incredibly irritating. Especially in the morning. While he’s always been a night person and a hater of mornings. Rey has always, always been an all day person. Alive and bright and energised no matter the time.

‘Haven’t you got a job to be doing?’ He mutters, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

‘It’s Saturday. I don’t work Saturdays.’

‘What do you do? For work I mean?’ He enquires, genuinely interested.

‘I work in an office. Boring I know. But it pays the bills. What about you? What were you doing before your big comeback?’ She probes casually.

‘Worked in an office. Boring, but it paid the bills.’ He echoes and she lets out a little chuckle.

‘So it’s like that then?’

‘It’s like that.’ He smirks as she smiles brightly at him, knowing that she’s going to have to work for any tiny little drop of information she’s going to pry out of him.

‘I got you breakfast.’ She repeats, noticing that the bag of Chinese food isn’t on the coffee table any longer, so he either ate it or put it in the trash. She hopes for the former.

‘You don’t have to keep feeding me.’ He protests, but Rey simply ignores him and heads for the kitchen.

‘I know. But I want to.’ She tells him in a sing songy voice.

After she’d left he’d eaten the Chinese, downed the rest of the whiskey and sunk three of the beers. It was a half successful night’s sleep. He’d probably got two-three hours before he’d had to lurch for the toilet and throw it all back up. After that, it was fitful.

Now he's hungover and she's really grating.

Ben slopes off outside, hoping the fresh air will wake him and then maybe Rey will be more tolerable. He doubts it, and the thought alone causes a smirk to grow on his lips.

He sinks into one of the chairs at the wooden table and Rey plonks herself into the next one over, the bag of breakfast and drinks sitting between them on the table.

There's a question burning in his mind. ‘What happened with Finn.’

She lets out a sigh. ‘I went to see him that morning, after I woke up alone.’

Oh he can hear the hurt in her voice, even after all these years it still hurts her, and guilt tightens its grip on his heart. He has a sudden urge to apologise for leaving her alone, but he had no choice. She wouldn’t understand.

‘He flipped out over tradition and all that, but then when he stopped and looked at me he knew. I told him I couldn't marry him, because I was, am, in love with somebody else. He knew it was you. But it still hurt him. He was upset. I broke his heart-’

‘We. _We_ broke his heart.’ He interrupts.

‘He didn't speak to me for months after. And then he turned up on my doorstep with an eighteenth birthday card. He told me that he understood, and that he couldn't hate me for how I felt.’ She pauses, taking a sip of her coffee.

‘He's married now. Her name is Rose. She's a mechanic and Finn’s the football coach at the high school.’

‘Why didn't you leave town?’

‘Because I knew you'd come back, one day. When you were ready. And that I'd need to be here waiting for you.’ She tells him, emotion in her voice and tears in her eyes.

‘But you had so much potential and you gave it all up for me.’ He scoff bitterly.

‘Because I love you. Because I knew you'd be back, and you'd need me.’

‘So you gave everything up, for me. And what if I hadn't returned? What if I'd never returned, then what? You'd have wasted your entire life on a shadow.’

‘But you are back. And here. You’re exactly where you need to be. And so am I. Here, with you.’

‘You don't get it do you? You were going to go off and do things. See things. You were going to become something incredible. But instead you work in an office, and wait for a ghost.’

‘Which are you?’

‘What?’

‘Are you a shadow, or are you a ghost?’

‘I'm a monster.’

‘No you’re not.’

‘What would you know. You know nothing about me.’ He hisses, getting to his feet, eyes dark with anger, emphasised by the dark rings from a lack of sleep.

‘But I do know you Ben. I’ve always known you.’ She retaliates, getting to her own feet.

‘You know nothing.’ He snarls as she steps in front of him, blocking his path back through the French doors.

‘Get out of my way.’ He grits, hands clenching into fists, jaw grinding as he glares down at her.

‘Haven’t we been here before?’ She quips, eyebrows raising in challenge.

Ben exhales loudly through his nose, stepping forward and Rey takes a step back. He carries on advancing toward her until her back collides with the thin strip of wall separating the French doors.

Rey gulps heavily as she looks up at him, seeing a darkness in his face that she’s never seen in him before. She’s seen his darkness, his anger and his temper when they were younger, but never this dark. Never this haunted. This wild. This lost.

He crashes his lips against hers, unable to resist her despite his protestations. That taste he afforded himself the night before has brought about his ruin. Not that he wasn’t already ruined ten years ago.

Rey kisses him back with her own wild abandon. Fingers clawing at his back, her body screaming out for him as he snakes his one hand down the side of her body, pulling at the fastenings of her pants.

She groans, hips jolting forward as he slides his hand beneath the band of her pants.

‘Ben!’ She gasps lustfully, head pressing back against the chipped wood, eyes rolling close as his fingers ghost over where she’s wet and aching.

‘Shhhh.’ He murmurs in her ear, fingers sliding between her folds.

Rey grips his shoulders, her body trembling with her pent up desire and years and years of hunger and lust. His lips find the side of her neck as his fingers work her quickly toward her completion. It doesn’t take long before she’s quaking with her climax, a strained cry ripping from her lips.

Ben pulls away from her neck, leaving a wet patch and a blooming bruise on her sunkissed skin.

‘Leave. Me. Alone.’ He hisses in her ear, stepping away and through the doors, slamming it behind.

Rey is a confused, panting mess as she runs her hands over her face. Her anger at her own stupid weakness seeps out, and she kicks the wall with a growl of frustration.

\---

Rey is walking along the empty road from the inn back into town. She hears a vehicle approaching from behind with speed. She tenses, glancing over her shoulder, going through her training in her head.

The black SUV brakes hard, the tinted window winding down and the tension leaves her body as she scowls at the grinning man in the truck.

‘Get in.’ Supervisory Special Agent Poe Dameron snaps, and Rey sighs heavily before climbing into the SUV.

‘So, did you get anything? Or were you too busy with his hand shoved down your pants to do your job?’ He smirks as he pulls away from the side of the road.

‘Fuck you.’ She spits angrily, hands balling into fists.

Poe scoffs, ‘Isn't that your method.’

Rey scowls, jaw already aching from clenching, teeth grinding together.

‘We need results Niima. And we need them now. I recommend you get them. Sooner rather than later.’ He snarls, as he pulls to a stop, an indicator for her to get out. Which she happily does.

‘If you have to fuck him to get what we need, then spread your legs as wide as you can. Just get what we need.’ He barks before peeling away, leaving her standing there on the side of the road, steaming with anger.

She lets out a low growl, kicking the dirt, anger coursing through her veins as she watches the SUV disappear into the distance.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd 
> 
> Please let me know what you think. Thanks


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben seeks out Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos' given this fic :)

\---

‘Hey son.’ Han smiles crookedly as he answers the phone.

No greetings, just getting straight to the point. ‘I need a favour.’

‘What, another one?’ Han chuckles down the phone, sat in the Falcon with Chewie, his longtime colleague from his days deep undercover.

‘Will you help me or not?’ Ben snaps, in no mood for his Dad’s brand of ‘humour’.

‘Jeez someone's touchy-’ Han rolls his eyes at the giant bear of a man next to him, who stifles his laugh.

‘Fine if you don't want to help me-’

‘I already am.’ Han interrupts forcefully.

‘I know and I'm grateful.’ Ben answers, softening.

‘So what is it you need?’

‘Rey--Rey’s address.’ Ben says in a rush after his initial hesitation.

He doesn't even give Han chance to reply before he's half explaining his reasons for his request. ‘I did something I regret and I need to apologise to her. Properly.’

‘Ben-’

‘Please Dad. Can you please do this for me.’ Ben begs, his voice raw with emotion and all the air escapes Han’s lungs. It's been forever since he'd heard his son so earnest. Not even in his call yesterday, there was still a sharp edge to his tone. But now, now he's awash with anguish.

Han takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, pretending to be deliberating, when in actual fact Rey had given him permission to give Ben her ‘address’ at the start of the case. Besides it's not like she really lives there.

‘Okay. I'll give you her address.’

‘Thank you. Thank you.’

‘But only if you tell me what you did that requires an apology.’

Ben bristles on the other end of the phone. He doesn't want to tell his Father what he did. Something he's ashamed of doing. Something that just the thought of makes him sick to the stomach.

‘I was inappropriate with her, and that's all I'm saying.’ He replies, a finality in his tone that bodes no room for argument, and Han knows that he can’t push it otherwise he might push Ben away entirely.

After Han gives Ben Rey’s ‘address’ they end the call.

‘So, what did he do?’ Han asks, eyes meeting Rey’s in the rear view mirror.

‘He said he was inappropriate with you.’

‘He overstepped the mark, yes.’ She finally replied after choosing her words carefully.

‘Rey, if you want off the case, you only have to say-’

‘I can handle Ben.’ She blurts, reaching for the door handle.

‘Yeah, you've always been the only one who can. But I mean what I say. You only have to say the word and you're off. Reassigned to another division, another case. Understand?’

She pushes the creaky door open. ‘Yes. I understand. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to help him. I’m not abandoning him.’ She tells them firmly, determined.

‘Do you need a lift?’ Han offers as Rey steps in next to the now open drivers window.

‘No, I'm good.’ She smiles in thanks, pulling the key to her speeder from her pocket.

Rey takes a couple of steps away when Han calls after her. ‘Oh and Rey. Don't listen to Dameron. He's a great Agent but he's not the best thinker. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Anything you don't agree to. No matter who said it.’

She nods with a tentative smile on her lips, before turning on her heels and heading for her bike. She wonders how Han knew that Poe had said what he had, or if it was just a well educated guess.

As she climbs onto her bike she watches the Falcon leave the car park, a sudden feeling of dread coming over her. Has Poe blabbed about what he saw at the Inn?

Rey lets out a frustrated groan as she starts the engine. Of course Poe didn't say anything. But it'll be detailed in his and her reports. Great. She forgot that everyone with access to the file will know that Ben shoved his hand down her pants, and she willingly and greedily took the pleasure he gave her. Even if he thinks that wasn’t quite the case.

She hates the thought that everyone will be thinking that she's willing to use sex to get results. But as far as she’s concerned if she’s going to have sex with Ben, then it’s going to be because she wants to, and not for information.

Letting her pent up anger out she peels out of the lot, heading for the road to Takodana. She’s enjoyed the feel of the open road ever since she got her licence. It gives her a sense of freedom that she doesn’t often get with her job. A chance to clear her mind from the stresses of the day.

But she hasn’t got time to clear her head. She needs to get to her fake home before Ben turns up.

\---

Ben weighs up the words he wants to say in his head as he climbs into his beat up truck. ‘I’m so so sorry.’ Is all he’s got, and he is. Sorry. He crossed a line that he deeply regrets. There are no excuses for his behaviour, and he just hopes that Rey will at least let him apologise before she slams the door in his face. It’d be more than he deserves.

He decides as he pulls out of the driveway that Rey is now completely off limits. He cannot touch. Just like when they were kids. When he stood back and watched her share sweet, innocent kisses with Finn. When he watched them hold hands, cuddle and flirt rather awkwardly. A time when he was completely hands off, because she was off limits. And he’s going to do that again.

As he heads down the street heading into town he debates with himself over if he should grab some late lunch. But then decides against it, thinking it’ll be viewed as some sort of pathetic attempt at a peace offering. Instead he decides on getting a coffee for himself (to soak up the last drops of alcohol) and a tea for her.

\---

Half hour later he’s standing on her doorstep, gulping nervously as he waits for her to answer the door.

‘Hi.’ He says first as she half opens the door, their eyes meeting briefly before she looks down.

‘Hey. What are you doing here? How did you find out where I live?’ She questions - despite already knowing the answer.

‘I need to speak to you. I got your address off my Dad. I hope you don’t mind?’ He murmurs, looking ashamed and guilty, and more so when he sees the bruise on her neck, he’d given her that and he’s not proud of that fact.

She shakes her head, ‘It’s okay. Do you want to come in?’ She offers, stepping to the side, making room for him to pass.

‘Is that okay?’

‘Sure.’

Ben hesitantly steps inside her apartment, his eyes darting around, taking it in.

It doesn’t look particularly homely. It’s more like a bolt hole, or a weekend place. Somewhere where you don’t spend a lot of time. But he doesn’t say anything.

‘Nice place.’

‘Thanks. Take a seat.’

Ben sits down on the beige couch in the minimalist apartment. Looking around at the lack of personal effects, but that has always been Rey. She’s never been one for materialistic things. Preferring to find attachment with people rather than belongings.

He places the two cups on the coffee table, pushing one toward the armchair that Rey slowly sits in.

‘I got you a tea.’ He mumbles, glancing up and feeling awful that he’s making her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

He jumps to his feet. ‘I shouldn’t be here. I should go.’

‘Ben, wait.’ She springs to her feet, blocking his path, she’s always been that little bit quicker.

‘I--I’m making you uncomfortable.’

‘You’re not. Ben, you’d never make me feel uncomfortable.’ She insists, her hand lightly resting on his forearm.

He looks down at him, tears blooming in the backs of his eyes. He doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t deserve her kindness. Not after everything he’s done.

‘Ben?’ She practically whispers as he continues to stare down at her hand. And now the tears come and he doesn’t even stop them as they drip from his eyes.

‘Please tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.’ She offers, her voice soft and inviting.

He sniffs, slowly shaking his head. ‘I can’t. I can’t put you in danger.’

‘What danger? _Please_ , tell me. You can trust me.’ She almost begs, internally hating herself for telling him something that is such a lie. He can’t trust her. Not really. Not when she’s the one lying to him.

He’s not lying, she can tell that. He’s genuinely afraid for her and doesn’t want to risk her life, that’s not a lie. Not like the lies she’s telling him. She doesn’t live there. She doesn’t work in an office. She doesn’t work 9-5. It’s all lies. And she hates herself for it.

He takes a long moment and Rey starts to fear that she’s about to lose him, when he takes a deep breath.

‘I’ve--I’ve done something terrible.’ He begins and her breath catches in the back of her throat. She’s looking up at his pale face, the only colour coming from the dark rings around his eyes and fading bruises.

Ben slowly lifts his head, but he avoids her searching gaze, keeping his eyes down.

‘I’ve killed someone.’ He confesses, his voice raw and broken.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben apologises and opens up. Rey makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left a comment or a kudos' - you guys simply inspire me <3
> 
> :o)

\---

‘I’ve killed someone.’ He confesses, his voice raw and broken.

The air deflates from her lungs, slipping from between her parted lips as she watches him carefully. She was, and wasn’t expecting a confession like this. But it doesn’t stop her fearing hearing those words.

Ben looks up, needing to see her reaction. He sees shock on her face, but not disgust or fear like he’d thought. In fact she looks like she was possibly expecting such an admission. But why? Why would she think that of him? That he was capable of such a thing? His youth surely never suggested that he was capable of murder?

‘Rey,’ He croaks, tears streaming down his face as he gulps, lips beginning to tremble, ‘please say something.’ He begs.

‘Who? Who did you-- who did you kill?’ She asks, her own eyes beginning to flood with tears, her hand tightening on his arm.

‘My boss. The District Attorney of Coruscant.’ 

Rey’s mind reels at his revelation. District Attorney Aloysius Clement Snoke is the one they’re after. So to hear that he’s dead is a huge blow for their case. And to know that Ben is the one who killed him breaks her heart.

‘How?’ 

‘I shot him. In the chest.’

But how come they’ve not heard anything? How come they’ve not been notified by their Agents in Coruscant? How come it’s not made the national news? It all points toward a cover up. It must be. It has to be. The First Order - the cartel that Snoke was fiddling cases for, to keep their guys out of prison and their business flowing, must be covering it up for some reason. But why? 

She knows why really. If Snoke is dead then it puts the First Order’s position as top of the drugs trade in jeopardy. 

‘And-- and he died? You’re sure he’s dead?’ She probes, her DEA Special Agent training kicking in, not that Ben knows that. And she hates herself for hiding that from him.

‘I shot him in the chest Rey.’ He snaps, stepping away from her and running his hands through his hair.

‘I heard what you said. But people can survive.’

‘He’s an old man. How could he survive?’ He scoffs, turning his back on her, eyes scrunching shut as he wipes the streaks of tears from his face.

‘Ben-’

‘He’s dead Rey. He has to be. Because if he isn’t-- if he’s still alive. Then I’m a dead man walking.’ He sobs, more tears pour down his face as he turns back round to face her.

‘Oh Ben. What have you got yourself into?’ She shakes her head as she rushes forward and wraps her arms around his waist, making him jump in surprise at her gesture.

‘I wish I could tell you. But I can’t. I can’t tell you. I’ve already said too much. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’ He cries, tentatively wrapping his arms around her. ‘I should never have left.’ 

Tears trickle from her eyes, she’s unable to hold them back. Because they’re real. Her heart is breaking for him. To see him so destroyed, so broken, it rips her apart. 

‘I’ve done so many things I regret. That I hate myself for. But I regret leaving you more than anything. I should never have left you.’ He confesses, voice so downbeat and sad.

She knows what he’d done in his time as an Assistant District Attorney in Coruscant. How he took bribes, covered up evidence, intimidated witnesses and thrown cases all at the order of his boss. A man who beat and degraded him. She knows all about that too. And that fills her with rage. She’d have killed Snoke herself for what he’d done to the man she loves. But instead her broken lost boy standing before her did it. 

But she doesn’t say anything, choosing to let him say what he needs to. What he’s willing to. It’s his story to tell, even if she knows the outline.

‘And I should never have done what I did at the Inn. I’m sorry. I hate myself for doing that to you. For hurting you.’

‘You didn’t hurt me Ben. I could have stopped you if I wanted. But I didn’t want you to. I wanted that to happen as much as you, if not more so. The situation and the circumstances could have been different, but I don’t regret what happened. I just wish you hadn’t treated me like you did afterwards. I didn’t deserve that. You, running off. I deserve more than that.’ She tells him, pulling back to see his eyes, and seeing fear and regret in them.

She cups his jaw, rubbing her thumbs along his cheeks, brushing away his tears as he gently holds her waist.

‘I deserve to be treated better than that.’ 

‘I know. And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. There are no excuses for what I did.’

‘I know. I know you’re sorry. And I’m not going anywhere. No matter how much you push me away, I’ll keep coming back. I promise you.’ She says softly, rising up and pressing her lips against his cheek in a gentle, loving kiss.

When she pulls back she offers a faint, shy smile. ‘When was the last time you slept properly?’

‘That night. Ten years ago. With you.’ He admits and her heart constricts, the tears burning her eyes again.

She lets out a soft sigh, taking his hand in her own. ‘Come on.’ She pulls him behind her.

‘Where are we going?’ He asks as she leads him toward a small corridor.

‘You’re going to get some sleep.’ 

‘Here?’ He questions, trying to pull back, but Rey has a remarkable grip for someone so slight.

‘Yes here. Ben, you need to sleep.’

‘I can’t-’

‘You can. And you will. I’ll be here. Right next to you. You don’t have to worry.’ Rey insists, brushing her thumb over his knuckles and he relents. Letting her lead him into her bedroom, and to her bed.

They don’t speak as she unzips his jacket, pulling it from his shoulders and down his arms. She hangs it on the back of the wooden chair in the corner. 

He blushes slightly when she lifts up his shirt and tugs open his buckle, pulling his belt through the loops of his jeans and placing it on the seat of the chair. 

‘Get on the bed.’ She tells him, and he complies. Sitting on the edge of the bed.

Rey kneels in front of him and he gulps heavily, having to look away when she smiles up at him as she pulls his one foot toward her. She makes short work of undoing his laces and yanking his boots off. She places them neatly beneath the chair before turning toward the bed.

It might be fall outside, but she’d put the heating on when she’d got home so the room is quite snug, cosy and warm. And she’d half drawn the blinds. She walks around the bed, feeling Ben’s eyes tracking her as she climbs onto the bed and lies down.

‘Lie down.’ She commands, looking over at his back.

Ben takes a breath before gradually lying down on the bed next to her. They’re side by side, both looking up at the ceiling, until Rey rolls over onto her side, facing him. She reaches up and places her hand on top of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

‘I’m here. I’m here.’ She whispers, seeing his eyes starting to droop as he relaxes, his muscles easing and his breathing evening out.

Rey repeats, ‘I’m here. I’m right here,’ as she watches him fall asleep, his lips parting and the strain and stress so set in his face falling away as tiredness and weariness finally catches up with him.

Guilt swirls in her belly. She can’t do this to him. No case is worth the lies she’s having to tell. It was lies all those years ago that put them on this path. And she’ll be damned if it’s lies that destroys them now.

She knows what she has to do. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> NOTE: DEA - Drug Enforcement Administration. So Rey is a federal agent.
> 
> Sorry if this felt all disjointed. I'm super stressed at the moment and am suffering badly with my depression and anxiety and writing helps relieve those things, but it doesn't always produce the best results, especially in such a complicated story like this one. So if anything doesn't feel right or read right, I'm sorry. If you do see anything that is jumbled or makes no sense whatsoever, let me know and I will do my best to make things clearer for you.
> 
> :o)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets remain hidden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support given this fic. Sorry for how long it took to get this latest chapter posted - kinda having a dilemma with this story.
> 
> Nearly 250 kudos' <3 you all :D

\---

Ben wakes up slowly, eyes blinking open. He feels rested, for the first time in a long time. His vision focuses to find Rey lying on her side next to him on the bed, a soft smile on her face as she looks at him.

‘Hey.’ She murmurs softly, a gentle smile on her lips.

She reaches up and brushes a few stray strands of hair from his forehead.

‘Hi.’ He mumbles, his neck stiff from lying in the same position for so long.

‘What time is it?’ He asks, his voice a little horse from disuse.

‘Late. Almost nine.’

‘At night?’ He balks with surprise, his brain still hazy with sleep.

‘Yes, at night.’ She chuckles lightly, moving to sit up.

Ben follows suit, sitting up slowly, stretching as he goes, a satisfied groan tumbling from his lips.

‘Did you sleep okay?’ Rey enquires, climbing off the bed and looking back over her shoulder.

‘Yeah. I did. Really well. I don’t think I’ve slept that well in a long, long time.’ He smiles ruefully, a sadness in his eyes.

Rey sighs softly, her heart breaking at his words and his demeanour as he gives a crooked smile while straightening out his clothes.

‘Do you fancy something to eat?’ She blurts, desperate to keep him there with her, needing to soothe her guilty conscience.

‘Um, I...I've taken up too much of your weekend. I should get going.’

‘No Ben. Please stay. Please.’ She asks, almost begs.

His shoulders slump as he sighs slowly and noisily. 

‘Rey-’

‘Ben. I need-- I need to tell you something.’ She mutters, looking down at her hands, fingers pulling at the hem of her t-shirt.

‘Go on.’ He encourages when she doesn’t tell him straight away.

She gulps nervously. Sneaking a peek up at him. She is on the verge of telling him everything. The truth. But something stops her. Perhaps it’s the vulnerable look in his eyes.

‘I’ve managed to get two weeks off work so I can help you with the renovations at the Inn.’ She tells him, only the slightest hint of fakeness and quick thinking lingering in her voice. Ben doesn’t notice, still a little sleepy.

‘Really? Your boss was okay with it? With the short notice?’ He questions, surprised.

Rey nods. ‘Yeah they were absolutely fine with it. In fact they kind of owed me some time off. I’ve not had a vacation in two, three years.’

‘You really don’t mind using your time off to help me?’ He enquires, needing to hear it once more.

‘Ben. Of course I don’t mind.’ She scoffs lightly with a little shake of her head.

‘Okay. Well I guess more hands mean it’ll get done quicker.’ He mumbles, nodding to himself, mentally going through the list of repairs the inn requires.

‘We could always ask your dad if he’d like to help out too.’ She suggests, a hopeful look in her eyes.

‘What? No. Why would I ask that waster for anything.’ He spits, and neither one of them realises that they’re being played by the other.

‘Because he’s your father.’ Rey states obviously.

‘He’s a waste of space who’s never done anything for me other than be a disappointment. Just like I was to him. You know, you were there.’ He snaps.

‘I know. But you know he might of changed. You were gone ten years.’

‘I doubt it. Once a lying, cheating thief always a lying, cheating thief.’ He tells her, even though he knows that his old man finally came through for him, but no one else needs to know that.

‘Okay. Not your father. Just us two. Me, and you.’ She smiles sweetly, stepping over to him, placing her palms flat on his chest.

Ben lets her lean in, get closer. Letting himself almost give in. But he steps away with a cough, running his hand through his hair. Rey lets out a silent sigh, her eyes closing in disappointment. 

But when Ben turns back round to face her she plasters a false smile on her lips. Wanting him to see that his rejection didn’t affect her, too much. But Ben’s no fool, he can see that the smile doesn’t reach her eyes, or show in them either.

‘So dinner. What do you fancy?’ Rey questions as she steps out of the bedroom and into the small hallway.

‘Um, I dunno. You choose.’ He mutters, following her as she walks into the kitchen.

‘I fancy pizza. You happy with that?’ 

‘Yeah. Sure.’ 

‘Great. Let me just grab the take out menu.’ She takes it off the small notice board, smiling over at Ben.

‘Rey.’

She pauses, looking up at him as he looms in the doorway.

‘Yeah?’ 

‘Why don’t you hate me? Why are you being nice to me. Helping me?’ He questions softly, tears filling his eyes.

‘I could never hate you Ben. I love you. And I’m helping you because I love you. And when you’re ready to tell me everything, I’ll be here.’ She again presses her hands to his chest as tears fall from his eyes.

‘But I’m a murderer. How can you love a murderer?’ He splutters, hanging his head in shame.

‘Because I know you. I’ve seen into your soul. And I know that for you to do such a thing there had to be a reason. A cause. You’re not a cold blooded killer, Ben. Something happened to you, something so horrible, so terrible that it made you into something you’re not. Not really. It drove you down a path that you fear you cannot come back from, but I know you can. And you will. You will get through this. And I will help you. Every single step of the way. I will be right there. By your side. Believe me, please.’ Rey tells him passionately, cupping his jaw with both hands and wiping away his tears with her thumbs.

‘And when you’re ready to talk, I’ll be there ready to listen.’ She insists, continuing to brush the spilling tears from his cheeks.

‘I don’t deserve you.’ He croaks, his own trembling hands covering hers and a shy half smile on his lips.

Rey rises onto her tiptoes and presses a tender kiss to his lips, all the while fearing his rejection. But he doesn’t back away. He lets her kiss him, before tentatively kissing her back.

‘So the pizza?’ He snickers when she falls back onto her heels.

‘You decide. I just need to pop to the toilet.’ She tells him before disappearing through the doorway.

Once in the bathroom she lets out a heavy breath, pressing her back against the wall, hand clasped over her mouth as her own tears blurr her vision. She takes a deep breath, eyelids falling close.

She’d sent Leia an e-mail informing her that she would be stepping down from the investigation with immediate effect. But the response she received wasn’t from Leia. It was from Deputy Administrator Gial Ackbar telling her that she is suspended for two weeks, and that she will be reassigned to a new division as far away from Ben as possible, as soon as possible, without minimal notice.

That would mean leaving him there, and who knows what would happen to him then? If she’s not around.

But she will not let that happen, yet she has no idea how she can stop it.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> What's Rey going to do?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn and a twist for Rey and Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading, commenting or leaving a kudos (over 250!!) on this fic <3
> 
> This chapter is quite long, but please stick with it :)

\---

It's been ten days since Ben took up Rey’s offer to help him do up the inn, and they’d thrown themselves into it head first. For both of them it proved a suitable distraction from their secrets. But those secrets still simmered under the surface. 

Rey is painting the fence outside as the winter sun begins to dip behind the trees, casting the sky in pinks, oranges and yellows. She squints up, brush in hand. It had been nice, being there at the inn. Just her and Ben.

For the first three days she’d worked on the inn all day before trudging back to her ‘apartment’ to shower and sleep. It was on the fourth day that Ben suggested that she stay at the inn in one of the finished rooms. At first she’d tried to refuse, telling him that it wouldn’t be right. But in truth her argument was weak and she’d agreed.

It had proven to be a smart decision. Each night they’d work late before falling asleep together on the large couch in the living area. It was a blissful peace.

But a peace that was also threatened. With every ring or message on her phone Rey feared her time was up, and she would have to make an excuse and leave sharpish. The wait for Leia, Luke or Poe to turn up and give her her new division details and exit strategy was like torture.

The desire to confess to Ben was starting to become too much to bear. There had been a couple of times when she’d nearly spilled her guts and told him everything. But she’d managed to refrain, just about.

The best thing out of everything was of course her relationship with Ben. It was like they were teenagers again. Everything was so natural and easy. They’d chat for hours, reminiscing about the days they’d shared, the people they knew and the lives they had. They never spoke of the last ten years. 

They’d also grown closer, and shared some heated kisses. But they’d not gone further, even if they’d clearly both wanted to. Something would stop them, pull them back. Perhaps it was the guilt of their respective lies and secrets. 

‘Hey.’ Rey looks toward the door to find Ben walking across the deck, a pack of beer in one hand and pizza box with sides in the other.

‘When did you sneak out?’ She questions giving him a cheeky smile.

‘I didn’t. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but there’s such a thing as delivery.’ He snickers, placing the bottles and boxes on one of the outdoor tables.

‘The beers?’ She quirks her eyebrow, placing the paint brush in the jar of water.

‘I bunged the guy a twenty to bring them.’ He smiles proudly, pulling out one of the chairs and dropping down into it.

‘Ah. Ever the business man.’ She chuckles, putting the lid on the tin of paint.

‘Come on. Before it gets cold.’ Ben tells her, opening up the pizza box.

‘Let me just go wash up and then I’ll be right with you.’ She tells him, getting to her feet and flashing him a warm smile.

‘Don’t blame me if there’s none of those chicken pieces you like left.’ He calls after her as she heads inside to wash her hands, a laugh on her lips.

When Rey comes back outside, Ben is supping from his bottle of beer, an open one sitting on the table in front of the other chair, right next to his. Rey sits down and takes a greedy gulp before turning her attention to the pizza.

It’s her favourite - which also happens to be Ben’s too, bbq chicken with extra sweetcorn and mushrooms. She grabs a slice, folds it up and takes a big bite, groaning in satisfaction. She’d not eaten all day, other than a snack bar around lunch time. 

‘Good?’ Ben smirks as he shoves a couple of potato wedges into his mouth.

Rey nods, mouthful of pizza. ‘So good.’ 

She spots the box of chicken pieces next to Ben and reaches over, a smile on her lips a she flips the lid. But her happiness is short lived when she finds the box empty. She grabs it and looks in it again, before looking up at Ben with big sad puppy dog eyes.

‘What?’ He asks, feigning innocence.

‘You ate them all.’ She accuses.

‘I did warn you.’ He grins and Rey sighs unhappily, flopping back against her chair, arms folding over her chest, disbelief on her face.

‘You could have saved me some. Even a couple. You know they’re my favourites.’ She pouts and Ben bites his lips together.

He picks up the box of garlic bread and opens the lid and holds it towards Rey. 

‘Why don’t you have some garlic bread.’ He suggests.

‘I don’t want garlic bread. I want the chicken pieces.’ She scoffs, really reminding Ben of when they were kids and he has to fight the smile from his face.

‘Go on. Have some garlic bread.’ He insists and Rey huffs, sitting up and taking the box off him.

Inside she finds six chicken pieces on top of the garlic bread and a grin spreads across her face.

‘Ben!’

‘You still fall for it. After all these years.’ He chuckles happily.

Rey suddenly remembers that he’s right, he used to do this when they were kids. Pretending to eat her favourite food and hiding it with something else. She reaches across and gives him a playful shove.

‘Ass.’

‘And I remember you calling me that then too.’ He quips behind the lip of his beer bottle.

‘If the cap fits.’ She fires back, popping a chicken piece into her mouth.

They continue to eat and drink as the sun disappears from the sky, the timed outdoor lights coming on.

‘Do you remember when we used to sit out here in the summer and watch the fireflies down by the lake?’ Ben says, looking over at Rey, nursing his third beer.

‘And we’d sneak out Maz’s whiskey.’ She adds her own memory of their joint story, head turned to face him as she lounges back against the high backed seat.

‘And she’d threaten to tell my parents. Saying I was a terrible influence on such a young and wonderful mind.’ Ben laughs as Rey finishes off her second beer.

‘And that one time she told your dad and he just patted you on the back.’ Rey replies with a giggle, but it’s clearly not a memory Ben treasures given how the smile drops from his face and he takes a gulp of his beer.

‘Yeah. One of those rare Han Solo in town moments.’ He mutters, not as bitterly as he used to sound when talking of his father.

‘Sorry.’ Rey mumbles, turning her head to look back out over the lake, the moonlight bouncing off the ripples.

‘Don’t be. It’s not your fault.’ He mutters, and Rey gives him a small smile before they fall silent, just watching the gentle waves, and the breeze through the trees. Despite the season it’s almost mild. 

She turns to look at him, her nerves jangling as she tries to find the courage to tell him her truth. ‘Ben I need to tell you something-’

But she doesn’t get to finish what she was going to say, because his lips are pressed against hers. Moving slowly yet hungrily. Kissing her, properly kissing her. And she melts. Kissing him right back.

Rey is out of her chair and climbing into his lap in seconds, fingers running through his dark hair as she attacks his lips with her own, moaning softly into his mouth. Ben grips her waist, pulling her as close against him as possible, relishing in the feel of her in his arms.

Their movements are desperate, pulling at one another’s jackets, tugging them off and discarding them on the deck, too hot despite the cold.

‘Do you want to take this inside?’ Ben mutters against her lips as Rey pulls open his belt.

‘No.’ She replies, happy where they are and also from fear that if they move she’ll lose her nerve and blab and the whole moment will be ruined.

Ben accepts her answer and together they pull open his jeans and her hand slides inside, beneath his briefs and he lets out a gasping groan as her fingers brush over his cock.

‘Fuck.’ He hisses, eyes rolling slightly as she wraps her fingers around the shaft, pulling him from his pants.

Ben reaches forward and quickly undoes the fastenings to Rey’s jeans as she strokes him. She lets go of his cock and staggers back onto her feet, knocking the table and causing an empty to fall off and smash on the deck, but it doesn’t interrupt. She’s feeling a little tipsy, but also overrun with lust. She pushes her jeans and black cotton panties from her hips to her knees, letting out a gasp at the cold against her skin.

But Ben beckons her back to him, pulling her back into his lap by the waist and she goes so willingly. Climbing onto him and attacking him lips with her own in a passionate kiss as he takes hold of himself.

Rey lowers herself down onto his cock, groaning and toes curling with each inch, hands gripping his face and lips brushing one another’s. Ben is gripping her hips, helping and guiding before she’s accepted him to the hilt. Pausing for a moment of adjustment before greed and desperation takes over and she moves.

Rocking her hips, moving up and down, back and forth. Relishing being connected with him in such an intimate way once again. Kissing him with such long standing desire, moaning and whimpering with pleasure.

Ben doesn’t dare close his eyes as he watches her, the desire etched on her face as she rides him, breathing hard, grunting and groaning as he bucks up into her, eyes locked together, mouths hanging open.

Soon it’s too much for them both and they crash into their releases, cries captured by the other’s mouth, joining together in those white light moments of pure bliss.

Rey presses feather light kisses to Ben’s face as she pants through the aftershocks, feeling his heavy breathes on her flush face. And with a flurry of kisses to his plush lips she climbs off his lap, again knocking the table, and pulls her underwear and jeans back up.

Ben tucks himself back into his jeans, face burning red as he glances over at her, seeing a shy and happy smile on her lips. He’d forgotten himself. All that reminiscing, the cosy dinner, the almost romantic atmosphere of the dim lights, the lake and the moon. He was swept up in the moment. But he doesn’t regret it. How could he? She’s perfect. Far too perfect for him.

His heart clenches as he sneaks a look over at her, now sat and downing half of her third beer. Now he blushes at thinking he’d caused her thirst and quickly looks away, eyes cast over the moonlit lake.

‘I’m a DEA agent.’ She suddenly announces and his heart stops.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> Uh oh, what now for these two?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout of Rey's confession.

\---

Rey braces herself, waiting for the explosion following her confession. But it doesn't come. Her brows knit together, confusion colouring her features as she slowly turns her head, breath held tightly in her chest.

‘I know.’ He states firmly.

‘What?’ She gasps. ‘What did you just say?’

‘I know.’ Ben repeats lowly, side eying her.

She reels, feeling lightheaded, heart pounding as she tries to process what he's just uttered. _He knows_. Knows about her job? He can’t. How can he possibly know?

‘You know _what_ exactly?’ She cautions, watching him carefully, knuckles turning white as she grips the arms of the chair.

‘That you're a DEA agent.’ He drawls, barely reigned in fury, she can hear it in the strain in his voice.

‘How? Since when? How come you haven't said anything before?’ She hisses, now letting her anger slip through.

‘I've always known. Snoke made it his business to know the names of all the DEA agents. Who he needed to either get rid off, or corrupt.  You were on the list.  Next in line in fact.’ He tells her, almost nonchalant, yet refusing to look at her, choosing to look straight ahead, focusing on the lake.

‘What?’ She springs out of the chair, turning fully to glare at him, the table shifting a few inches and more bottles falling off the side and smashing on the floor, but neither pays attention.

‘You've always known, and you didn't say anything. You didn't let on. Why didn't you say anything? What the fuck Ben!’ She rages, completely losing her cool but she’s beyond caring now.

She steps away, seething with her anger, mind in a spin at his revelation. She hears him get to his feet and she rounds on him.

‘Were you ever going to tell me, huh? That you knew?’ She snaps, stepping towards him as he just stands there.

‘Were you? Were you going to tell me if we hadn’t slept together?’ He counters, staying remarkably calm.

‘Yes.’ Her reply is instant.

‘No. No you weren’t.’

‘I was.’

‘Then why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me that first night. When you barged in here? Or when I-- when I told you what I did? You could have told me then? Instead you let me spill my guts to a Governmental agent working undercover. And you didn’t even bat an eyelid.’ He snarls, his hands balling into fists at his side.

‘What difference did it make when you already knew my job. You knew you were confessing to an agent. You knew. You fucking knew and did it all the same. You told me what you did, knowing that it would put me in such a fucking awkward position. I should have reported you to my superiors-’

‘What Poe Dameron? He’s a slimy bastard. Only out for what he can get, and damn everyone else.’ Ben snipes.

‘He’s my superior. I should have told him what you did. But I didn’t. Because I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone what you did.’ She admits, tears burning the back of her eyes.

‘Why not? Why didn’t you go running off to him or my mother, telling them all what I did?’ He hisses bitterly.

‘Because I love you.’ She shouts.

‘No you don’t. If you loved me then you wouldn’t have lied to me.’

‘That’s why I lied. I am trying to protect you. I thought I was protecting you. I didn’t want you to get hurt. That’s why I took the case in the first place. Because of you. The moment I found out you were part of the investigation I called in every single favour, every friend I have to get on the case. At first they didn’t want me on it. Said I was too personally involved.’

‘So what changed? Huh? Why did they suddenly let you on it? Did you offer to fuck me for information? Was that it? Did you say you’d spread your legs for the dirt?’ He growls and Rey sees red, slapping him hard across the face.

‘How dare you. How dare you say I only had sex with you for information.’ She rages, clawing at his face, drawing blood as he grabs her arms, restraining her.

She’s like a wild banshee, spitting, snarling, kicking.

‘I had sex with you because I wanted to. _Me_. Not because of the fucking case. Because I wanted to have sex with you. And if you remember you told me what you did before we had sex.’

‘Calm the fuck down.’ He shouts, trying to stop her from kicking him in either the balls or the shin.

‘GET. OFF. ME!’ She screams and the shrill pierce that carries across the lake has him letting her go, and Rey staggers a few feet away, gasping for breath, and control.

‘I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you so much right now.’ She spits turning on him, anger coming off her in waves.

‘Well that’s too bad because I fucking love you.’ He roars right back at her and she spins to face him, eyes wide and wild.

‘Love me? How can you say you love me when all this time you’ve been lying to me.’

‘You’ve been doing the same sweetheart.’ He spits, before his shoulders slump, blood rolling down his pale face.

‘All we’ve been doing is lying to each other.’ He sighs, the air deflating from his lungs as he looks skywards, up at the twinkling stars in the navy blue sky.

‘It’s all we know how.’ Rey mumbles, stepping over to the rails, resting her forearms on the bit she’d painted days ago.

‘To lie to one another. If we’d been honest with one another all those years ago. Maybe we wouldn’t have ended up here. Lying and hurting one another. Again.’ She continues with her own sigh, looking at the tranquil lake, a slight breeze rippling the water.

‘You really think that? That if I’d told you I was in love with you when we were teenagers things would have turned out different? That we would have what, ended up together? Been loves young dream? Married with a couple of kids? That was never going to be us Rey.’ He says stepping closer to her.

‘It could have been. If you’d just been honest-’

She looks back at him over her shoulder, before looking away in shame at the sight of his damaged face.

‘You could have been too. This isn’t a one way street. We were both lying. Both of us.’He points out before shaking his head and running his hands through his hair.

They remain silent, for who knows how long. Both of them trying to weigh up their next words, their next confession, but both coming up short. Neither is sure of what to do, or what to say.

‘So what now?’ Ben finally relents and breaks the silence and Rey turns her head slightly, but not enough to look back at him over her shoulder.

A truce?’ He poses and Rey takes a deep breath before giving a single nod, still refusing to look at the damage she’s done to his face, guilt coiling hot in her belly.

‘I confessed to murder, yet no one has come and arrested me. I’m guessing that’s because of you. You haven’t told anyone have you?’ He asks, a quiver in his voice.

She shakes her head. ‘How can I? Not when it means losing you again.’ She lets the tears burn the backs of her eyes.

‘They’ll find out eventually. The First Order won’t be able to cover up Snoke’s death for much longer.’ He mutters, thinking about the outcome of all this.

If the First Order finally manage to hunt him down then he’s dead. If Rey shops him or anyone from the DEA find out that he killed Snoke then it’s federal prison. Either way he’ll be without her.

‘Run away with me.’ She suddenly blurts, looking up at him with surprise, at her own words.

‘What?’

‘Leave now with me. We can go somewhere, anywhere. Let’s just go. The two of us. Right now.’ Her voice cracks, heart clenching..

‘Rey-’

‘Please Ben. I can’t lose you again. Not now I’ve finally got you.’ She pleads, reaching for his hand, squeezing it and looking at him hopefully.

He doesn’t hear the shot, not until Rey is already crumpling forward into his chest and arms.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left a comment, a kudos or read this fic. <3
> 
> Unbeta'd 
> 
> Sorry for this mixed up, confusing garbage.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fall out or is it a shoot out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, left a comment or a kudos on this jumbled up little story. We've now reached the end, so once again thank you.

\---

Ben has just gently lowered Rey onto the couch in the main communal living area, his hands moving away covered in crimson as she groans in pain, eyes fluttering heavily.

‘Stay with me sweetheart. Stay with me. Please stay with me.’ He pleads, on his knees, eyes wide and pulse racing.

‘Ben.’ She mumbles weakly, looking off beyond his shoulder, arm half raising and finger pointing.

Ben rises to his feet on a turn and comes face to face with the barrel of a 9mm. His eyes fire up the length of the gun and his mouth falls open in shock and disbelief.

‘No!’ He gasps.

‘Hello Kylo Ren.’ Aloysius Clement Snoke announces.

‘No. No! You’re-- you’re dead.’ He mutters, shaking his head, as if it’ll dislodge the fact that _he_ is standing before him.

‘It appears not.’ Snoke snickers, clicking off the safety.

Ben gulps.

‘Ben.’ Rey moans from behind him, pulling herself up, smearing the couch with her blood.

He fights every instinct he has in his body to spin round and gather her into his arms. To tell her that everything will be alright. To lie one more time.

‘Poor Ren. Finally got the girl. And now he has to watch her die.’ Snoke sneers as Ben is sized by four of Snoke’s guards.

He struggles against them. Spitting and snarling in his fight, but they don't release him. Instead they reign down blows. Punching him in the stomach, face and chest, before one of them takes his knees from beneath him.

He's now facing Rey, on his knees with blood oozing from his nose, and the cuts to his lips and eyebrow. His body aching with blooming bruised pain.

Rey is white as a sheets, barely able to hold herself upright even with the support of the couch. She's looking at him with sunken and hooded eyes.

Ben feels the gun press against the back of his head and his heart skips a beat.

‘I have a proposal.’ Snoke smirks, looking up at Rey and despite her blood loss and the fact that she's losing consciousness she scowls at him.

‘So much fire. Yet you really should save your energy.’

‘My proposal is simple. You kill her.’ He grins wickedly and Ben’s stomach falls.

He looks into Rey’s dull eyes, seeing the life drain slowly and painfully from her body. A gun is pressed into the palm of his hand and his arm is jerked up despite his resistance.

Hux grips Rey by the arm. Holding her upright and Ben sees tears flooding her eyes as she tries to bat Hux away.

‘Ben.’ She croaks.

He gulps hard, mind racing.

‘Shoot. Set yourself free of your past. Set yourself free of your chains. Kill her.’ Snoke purrs, leaning down so Ben can feel his hot breath on his cheek, smell the rankness.

Ben takes a deep breath, regripping the butt of the gun in his clammy palm. He shrugs off the hands holding him, expecting retribution but getting none.

With Snoke’s breath heavy on his skin and his words whispering into his ear he pulls the trigger.

Rey’s eyes fly open. She's not dead. But chaos surrounds her. Ben is fighting the men who'd been holding him on his knees.

Bullets fly along with grunts and groans. No one is paying her any attention as Hux lets her go and scrambles to draw his weapon from beneath his long black coat.

Rey finds a burst of adrenaline and yanks the gun she’d hid down the back of the cushions out and shoots just as Hux aims his 9mm.

He crumbles to the floor.

Despite the fact she is barely clinging to life she shoots off some more rounds, hitting two of the men grappling with Ben.

Ben drops to one knee, blood bursting from the hole in his shoulder (he’ll forgive Rey for that if they survive) and there’s a gun pointed at his head. Rey fires. The man falls, blood and brain matter splattering the ceiling along with Snoke's.

Silence.

Rey closes her eyes, gun falling from her hand as Ben dashes over to her, practically jumping over a dead body.

‘Rey.’ He splutters, hands tentatively touching her.

She cracks open her eyes, a small bloody smile on her lips.

‘You were my destiny.’ She whispers before her head lolls to the side as Ben lets out a feral scream.

\---

‘Wake up sleepyhead.’

Ben feels a smile bloom on his lips as he murmurs sleepily, stretching like a cat as his eyes slowly open.

She's smiling warmly at him, the sun shining all around her, giving her an ethereal glow.

‘What time is it?’ He grumbles reaching up and brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

‘Early.’ She replies softly, eyes scanning over his face.

He hums, running his thumb over the apple of her cheek before dragging it across her bottom lip. Rey nips at the tip with a giggle as he grins up at her. She sucks his thumb into her mouth, straddling him as he gazes up at her transfixed; a ragged breath tumbling from his lips.

She grips his wrist sucking his thumb hungrily, eyes locked on one another. She releases it with a wet pop, saliva keeping them attached until she pushes the top of her vest down, revealing a pert breast and erect nipple.

Rey lets out a groan as she circles her nipple with his wet thumb. She grinds her hips down, feeling him growing hard beneath her.

‘Fuck Ben.’ She shudders as he all but growls, pupils dilating.

Eventually he pushes her panties to the side and starts rubbing her clit with his wet thumb. She whines, rocking harder against him. It doesn't take long before she's panting and desperate.

‘I need you inside me. Now!’ She whimpers.

‘Tut tut always so demanding.’ He snickers, freeing his hand from her grasp and lifting her at the waist, fingertips brushing over the rough gunshot scar on her back.

With a little adjustment she sinks down on his erection, both of them groaning at the delicious friction and much desired relief.

‘I fucking love you Mrs. Solo.’ He growls, bucking up hard into her and she yelps, eyes rolling into the back of her skull as she clings onto his wrists gripping her hips.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Unbeta'd.


End file.
